Perhaps the challenging nature of that relationship arose out of her life circumstances and the journey she took to get to God. She grew up in Mexico outside the church, without her mother, who suffered from mental illness, and with an abusive and frequently absent father. The first exposure she remembers to the idea of God came from her grandmother, who told her in response to her difficulties when she was five that there was a God she should have faith in.
“I told her ‘where is this God? I want to talk to him. I want to ask him why bad things happen, and why my mother can’t be with me’,” she recalls. She remembers feeling like an outsider looking in growing up, with friends attending church and associated youth activities that she did not have permission to go to. At six, her father forced her to live with him and his new wife. She tried to run away from the abusive situation at fourteen, and at eighteen she moved to the United States with the help of relatives.
She had trouble at times understanding why bad things were happening, but in her pain she talked to God, confronted him, got angry with him. She has no doubts about God’s love and care for her though, despite continued difficulties. Her authentic and honest communications with Him have strengthened and deepened their relationship and she credits His continuing presence getting through tough situations as all the proof she needs of that.
Her husband developed a drug and alcohol problem during their marriage, and thirteen years ago things came to a head one night when he began hallucinating. “I sat with him [my husband] and prayed to God to intervene and to heal him. I knew I couldn’t help him. The next morning my husband went to see the priest. He got counseling and the help he needed and he has been clean now for thirteen years,” she says, her voice filled with pride. “My husband is a very strong person. He has never gone back.”
Growing up without a mother and without a healthy relationship with her father, her identity as a wife and mother is very important to her. So it was especially difficult when a family trauma a few years ago resulted in the removal of her daughter from their home with temporary placement in foster care. The family worked within the system to try to get her home, but felt at times as if it was actively working against them. She despaired at times of ever getting her daughter back. Finally she had a talk with God – “I asked Him to be my judge. I asked Him for wisdom and what I should do.” She found herself with new insights and a judge willing to hear their input and they were able to have their daughter returned home.
It’s clear that reliving these experiences is difficult, but, says Yolanda, she feels compelled to speak up and share her story because she believes it can help other people to see that you can be honest with God and He will hear you out and walk with you.
By Melissa Hoagland, Volunteer Storyteller
